Doesn't make sense
by Scattia
Summary: Set post-mindwipe between Seasons 4 and 5, Fred looks back at events of the previous two seasons and wonders why everything seems so random instead of rational


_Author's Note__: Hey everyone!! When talking to a friend recently about the mindwipe that occurred at the end of season 4, we both realised a lot of the past two seasons would have to be discounted from the characters memories because they evolved around Connor. Wesley's distance from the group, Angel at the bottom of the ocean in a box, Wes/Lilah, the Beast, Jasmine, Angelus returning, Cordy falling into a coma, all of it was connected somehow with Connor and therefore going into Season 5 none of the characters bar Angel would remember it. Yet how will ME have the characters understand the past two or so years of their lives without mentioning Connor and all the events connected to him? This is just my take on how one of the characters (Fred) understands (or doesn't) what has happened._

_Disclaimer__: I own none of the Angel characters mentioned within _

See, we used to believe that the world was ordered, that everything had a set place and would react in a set way. That's the belief Newton gave us. That's what we based our lives on.

But that got all turned upside down. Those darn quantum physics… well, I won't get into it now but let's just say that nothing was the same after it was discovered that random events can occur, well, randomly. You see, they don't behave correctly, they just react. And then people found out that it wasn't just abstract theoretical things that react like that – physical things, real things, do too. Everything Newton gave us – theories that whilst were simple, we used to base everything we knew about the world on – it was all proved false. Kaput! Bang! Woosh! It all blew up and everything went up in smoke with it. 

That's what happened to us at Angel Investigations – not literally you understand, we're all still here and never went up in smoke or were blown apart – although I guess that's what theoretically happened to us - the blown apart bit I mean. Oh dear, I'm not making much sense again am I? But not a lot's made sense for so long now…   
As a team we're no more now, not since we moved into the Wolfram & Hart building. Sure Lorne's always around to talk to when I get lonely, but no offence to Lorne because he's a great demon, there's just too much work to be doing to be always go bothering him. I guess I miss the days of working alongside him and Angel and Wesley and Cordy and Charles where we all used to share the work space and would all work together on stuff. Sure it would get a little cramped and noisy 'til you had to think your thoughts out loud because you couldn't hear them in your head, but it was comely and warm and secure – least after Charles fixed the windows so the wind didn't rattle through them and Cordy found some old curtains which helped keep the office area warm. Doesn't give the clients a good impression you know, to be in a freezing cold room even if we got rather used to it ourselves. 

Not that I see many clients nowadays – not my area anymore. I'm stuck up here in what was my dream environment back in Pylea – a fully functional lab with more then a few items that rate above functional and according to my science journals don't even exist in theory in this dimension – with time to think how we ended up here all distant from each other. And I've realise that it is true – Newton is dead and randomness exists.   
I mean, there's no logical chain explaining why Wesley and Angel should be so distant from each other – it just happened randomly. One minute they're friends, the next they can't even be in the same room as each other. I sometimes wonder if I was to blame as it all happened not long after they rescued me from Pylea, but Charles tells me that it wasn't my fault at all. Him and Wesley… yeah well I can see that I'm the logical reason for them not being friends anymore, what with Wes having, urr, well, I guess you could say a kinda crush on me, but that's logical, that makes sense. Angel and Wesley… There was no trigger, no environment that created their falling out and believe me I've looked for one. I've made detailed timelines that I've worked forwards and backwards and forwards again and the click still hasn't arrived, which leads me to think that there might not be a click, that this might just be a random event. But there's always a click, that's what makes it so frustrating for me. I wrote it all on my bedroom wall, 'cause sometimes things make sense when they're bigger and it allowed me to add external factors in round the edges so as to pursue every possibility and even though I study it every night there's still no click.

Cordy being in a coma too – that's another thing that's missing a click. Even though I've studied her CATs and spoken to all her doctors, I can't see why she's like she is. I mean, she didn't have an embolism, no blood vessel burst anywhere in her body and no synapses went misplaced – her body is in perfect working condition. The doctors made Wesley sit down with me and explain that sometimes things just happen and there doesn't need to be a reason, but I know they don't. There has to be a reason, a click for why things like that happen, and I'm not in denial like they all think I am. I'm not, I'm not. I know I'm not. There has to be a reason.   
Cordy isn't meant to be in a coma. She's meant to be kyerumpting with Angel. She's meant to be a champion. She'd know why Wes and Angel don't get on and how to bash their heads together to make it all alright and she'd sort out things between Charles and Wesley too and she'd make sure that we weren't here at Wolfram & Hart but back at the Hyperion and that we'd all be laughing and smiling and having such a good old time...   
And there I go back again – back to our wonderful new headquarters which I hate so much. The funny thing is, I would have thought that that was the most random of events – us ending up here I mean, what with them always trying to make Angel nasty and all – but out of the whole sorry tale my life has become that's the bit that makes the most sense. We joined them because Angel explained that they had resources to make Cordy better that we'd never have on our own. I've realised that maybe they don't have an all that strong sort of kyerumption but there is such a strong bond between the two that I knew Angel would do what's best for Cordy and I know he wants her well as much as I do. Cordy's the heart of the team you see, and without her we've all drifted apart. Getting Cordy well again… well I figured that was a good thing to aim for and maybe then the world will all make sense again and follow the rules. But she's not better and the world still doesn't make sense despite me just knowing that there's a reason I could figure out if I could just put my finger on it...


End file.
